Monday, November 22, 2010

Why I Miss Animaniacs (Exhibit 1)

Ummm…. how the heck did the censors miss THIS????….

Nice one!


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Friday, November 19, 2010

Darling, You’ve Got To Let Me Know, Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

Soo, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (part 1) is FINALLY out in theaters today!

*geeky, spazzy, happy dance*

And I’m SOOOOOOOOO excited about it, I hardly slept a wink last night! ‘Cuz if there’s one thing I really rock at, it’s getting ridiculously overexcited about all things Potterific!


(I mean, please, you’re talking to a girl who made a Voldemort piƱata out of paper mache all so she could enjoy watching Voldemort getting his butt beaten.)

(Three diferent times.)


Ahhhhhh, I love me some Harry Potter!!!!


I’ve already reread book 7 (for the fourth time) up to the point where the movie will be split, just so it’s all fresh in my head. And my Hogwarts schoolgirl costume (hubba hubba) has been unearthed and is hanging in the closet waiting to be worn.

(Yes, out in public.)

(Well, maybe.)

(If I can still squeeze myself into it.)

(Shut up.)

And Scope, Gwen and I already have our tickets to catch the movie tonight once Gwen is back from school and Scope is back from work. But, still, I’m torn…. It’s almost like there is a wee evil horcrux-making devil whispering in one ear…. while a tiny lightning bolt-scarred angel is whispering in the other….

I have felt pens. This is why I never get any housework done.
Wee Evil Horcrux-Making Devil: “Psssst! Hey, you! Ginger!”

Me: “Whaaa—? You talkin’ to me?”

Wee Evil Horcrux-Making Devil: “Duh. D’you see Carrot Top here, honey?!”

Me: “Uhh. No. No, thank God!! Christ, that would suck big hairy hyena ba—”

Wee Evil Horcrux-Making Devil: “Shut up! I’ve got an idea. Listen up. Scope’s at work today, right?”

Me: “….Right.”

Wee Evil Horcrux-Making Devil: “And your kid is at school, right?”

Me: “….Yeah…. And?”

Wee Evil Horcrux-Making Devil: “Well, then why not sneak your Muggle self on over to the theater and catch the movie now? Huh? You could see it twice! You know you want to. Who’s here to stop you?”

Me: “But the three of us are going to see it togeth—“

Wee Evil Horcrux-Making Devil: “Pfffffft! They’ll never know! That’s the beauty of it!”

Tiny Lightning Bolt-Scarred Angel: “NO! STOP! DON’T LISTEN TO HIM!”

Me: “*gasp* Are you my Harry-Potter-shoulder-angel-voice-of-reason-conscience-thingie?!”

Tiny Lightning Bolt-Scarred Angel: “Yes, genius. Nice schoolgirl outfit. I can see right down your shir—well, never mind. Listen, ignore the Dork Lord over there, ‘kay? He’s a putz. Just walk away. Seeing the movie behind your family’s back would be awesome, yeah, but it would also be selfish and wrong. Repeat after me: It would be SELFISH and WRONG.”

Me: “It would be—wait, you can see down my what?!”

Tiny Lightning Bolt-Scarred Angel: “*whistling innocently*”

Wee Evil Horcrux-Making Devil: “C’mon, don't listen to that guy! He's trying to lead you down the path of righteousness. I'm gonna lead you down the path that ROCKS!!”

Tiny Lightning Bolt-Scarred Angel: “Oh, come off it!”

Wee Evil Horcrux-Making Devil: “YOU come off it!”

Tiny Lightning Bolt-Scarred Angel: “You!”

Wee Evil Horcrux-Making Devil: “You!”

Tiny Lightning Bolt-Scarred Angel: You!”

Wee Evil Horcrux-Making Devil: “You infinity!”

Tiny Lightning Bolt-Scarred Angel: “Grrr.”


You see what I mean, right? These opinionated, runty, Emperor’s New Groove-plagiarizing, little dudes have been arguing in my ears for days. And I’m so confused! Should I stay? Should I go? Or should I whack ‘em both with a flyswatter? WHAT?!?!


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Thursday, November 18, 2010

The Joy of Six

So, six years ago today I nearly died from a massive blood clot in my spinal cord which ruptured, flooded my spine and caused all kinds of drama in my body and in the lives of the perplexed doctors in the ER that day. Uh-huh.

That picture up there is my favorite picture in the whole world. (Yes, really.) That picture saved my life. It is my actual MRI which showed the Neurologist all the missing pieces of the puzzle. Without that picture, I would have bled to death internally in the ER, never knowing what was wrong with me.

See the dark blob in my spine where the arrow is pointing? That was the blood clot. If you’d palmed the clot into a orb, it would have been the size of a golf ball, they told me. And that is HUGE.

(Eww, I know.)

Statistically, I should not be here. Statistically, blood clots in spinal cords are exceptionally rare, but the freak times they actually occur they almost always kill. And, if by some miracle they don’t kill, they always (ALWAYS) result in paralysis. Statistically, I wasn’t supposed to walk out of that hospital.

But I did.

My Neurologist calls me “Miracle” and says I’m famous in his universe. He excitedly shows me off, yelling, “you’ll never see anyone like this again! NEVER!” whenever he has students in his office.

I had spinal surgery six years ago today knowing at the time that I would either wake up paralyzed or not wake up at all. But, nope. I woke up in much better condition than anyone expected. Instead of paralysis, I ended up with nerve damage on my entire right side from my armpit down. But—eh—big deal.

What’s nerve damage like? Well, it’s a bizarre mixed bag, really. It means I have an extremely sensitive elbow which hurts A LOT whenever anything touches it, I have a numb (ish) foot, I have a numb (ish) leg, and I’m only ticklish on one side. It means that when I sit in a chair, I pretty much only feel half my ass there because I have a numb (ish) butt cheek. And it means I have a numb (ish) boob (nicknamed Beelzeboob! – *snicker*) which, oddly, refuses to stay put in my bra now and which I introduced to y’all way back in THIS TMI THURSDAY POST….

(Ahhhhhh, that picture never gets old!)

(But anyway….)

Bizarre boob and numb ass aside, I know I’m really, really, REALLY lucky. I know I’m lucky with every step I take. And so today, November 18th, is MY day. That’s right, I own it. So there.

*sticking out tongue*
I usually try to do something nice for myself every November 18th and, if I can swing it, I typically take the day off work. But since I’m not working right now (and, NOOOOO, shut it, I’m not being a bum! - Scope and I have agreed it will be best for me to wait on the whole job-hunting quest until after the holidays, ‘kay?), I can’t exactly take the day off work today, now can I? No.

So, Scope is going to take the day off instead!


Scope is playing hooky with me today and has plans for the two of us which do not involve us leaving home, from what I’ve heard…. and…. uhhh…. hmm…. why the hell am I over here blogging?!…. ummm…. yeeeaaahhhh…. I.... uhh.... gotta go!.... :-)

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Monday, November 15, 2010


Back when we were in Seattle, my daughter and I didn’t have cable TV.

(*gasp* I know.)

As a single mom, I just simply couldn’t justify actually PAYING to watch TV (whaaaaaaaaa—?) So, screw it, we didn’t. And I have no regrets on that, because if I had plunked down all that hard-earned moolah for a bunch of stupid TV shows, I seriously doubt I would have been able to afford to take my baby to Disneyland the two times we went…. and I would much rather have had those Disneyrific vacations than cable TV.



So, we survived with our free basic local TV channels (well, minus PBS and CBS, which would never ever come through! *sniff*) and our piece of crud converter box which kinda sorta maybe worked when it felt like playing nicely with others and wasn’t PMSing or dropping nine words out of every ten word sentance or pixelating the images sooooooooooooooooo badly that I often thought I was watching a game of Tetris.

Nice, huh?


And, for obvious reasons, we never really watched much TV. It was too frustrating to be honest.

Of course, I knew that would all change once we moved in with Scope. Scope, like 99.99999999999999999999999% of you reading this, has cable TV.

Me, personally, I’m still not too fussed about the TV. I like me some Dr. Oz every now and then and I admit I’m looking forward to American Idol starting up again (Steven Tyler???? As a judge???? Seriously???? C’mon!!!!), but otherwise—eh—I don’t really care what’s on TV. Even with cable. Whatever.

But my daughter…. she feels a little differently.


*insert the sound of angles singing: “laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!”*

And, oddly, her favorite channel is not MTV. Nor the Disney Channel. Nor anything else you might expect a 14 year old girl to gravitate towards. Nope. Her favorite channel is Food Network. And her favorite show is Chopped.

If you haven’t seen Chopped yet, lemme sum it up for you like this: you take four chefs and force them to compete against each other creating a three course meal out of completely insane “mystery ingredients” (grasshoppers, raw lamb hearts and gummy vampire fangs, anyone?!) which they need to throw together into (hopefully) tasty (or at least roughly edible) meals in a ridiculously small amount of time without managing to poison any of the judges.

Gwen adores it. And Friday afternoon Gwen asked me if she, Scope and I could have our own Chopped competition here at home over the weekend.

Hmmm. Interesting.

So, we did.

We simplified it, of course. We focused on creating desserts only, not a three course meal. We each picked one mystery ingredient with which to spring in each others' gob-smacked faces (with evil glints glinting in our eyes) which had to be included in the desserts and we had 30 (ish) minutes to throw our masterpieces together.

And, oy, it wasn’t easy.


Here is how the Cora, Scope and Gwen version of Chopped played out yesterday afternoon:

Gwen’s mystery ingredient was: semi-sweet chocolate chips….

My mystery ingredient was: cherry flavored Craisins….

And Scope’s mystery ingredient was: crescent roll dough….

Scope created these yummy little doughy muffin thingies topped with melted chocolate chips infused with Craisins and marshmallows and topped with vanilla pudding and powdered sugar….

While Gwen made these ultra cute teeny sandwiches filled with melted chocolate chips, Craisins and marshmallows….

And I got out my Harry Potter party candy molds and made marzipan-filled chocolate frogs on Craisinified cresent roll lily pads sprinkled with powdered sugar….

We noshed on each others’ desserts until we felt a little nauseous (or at least I did anyway) (blah) and then we voted. We judged each other on creativity, taste and presentation. I lost a few points because my chocolate frogs were still chillin’ in the fridge when my 30 minutes were up. (*sniffle*) And once all the votes were tallied, Gwen announced the winner:


Of course, now Gwen is begging for a rematch and, because we are still suffering with icky sugar high hangovers today (*cranky shudder*), Scope and I are thinking of ditching the whole dessert plan and making the rematch all about appetizers instead.

(Hmmm.... just what do grasshoppers taste like anyway?.... Chicken?)

(Sorry, Gwen!)

So, congratulations to my hubba hubba hubby, Scope, our Chopped Champion of desserts! YAY!!!!

But, uhh, don’t get too attached to that title, dear, ‘cuz next time I’m kicking that cute little rear of yours!

*pinky swear*


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Wednesday, November 10, 2010

You Know You’ve Been a Nanny Waaaaayyyyy Too Long When….

….You offer to tie your husband’s shoe for him in the grocery store.

And then you double-knot it.

Just sayin.’

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Thursday, November 4, 2010

You Say It’s Your Birthday?

So, today is my daughter’s birthday. Unfortunately, it’s also The Big Bad Ugly Test Day at school too, so—y’know—she’ll be celebrating her arrival on this planet by fretting and sweating over test papers alllllllllllllllllllll daaaaayyyyyy lonnnnngggggggg.

(Poor kiddo.)

(See, this is why when I was a kid I was always relieved my birthday was smack dab in the middle of Summer where the only thing I had to worry about was whether or not I could shovel my cake in my belly before the ice cream melted.)


However, all is not lost. Tonight Scope and I will be taking her out to dinner at Olive Garden, taking her out for dessert at Cold Stone, and then plying her with a plethora of presents…. even though I kinda think that SHE should be giving ME presents on her birthday since she was over NINE POUNDS at birth and I AM THE ONE WHO DID ALL THE WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


But wait! There’s more! Today is also my friend Callista’s birthday too. Funny how that one worked out, huh?



Now, please excuse me, I need to go walk a million miles on my treadmill so I won’t have to feel too guilty when I’m making a big pig of myself at Cold Stone later on. Bye!

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Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Something Wicked This Way Comes

So, voters were presented with candidates. Voters went to the polls. Votes were cast. Votes were tallied. And a winner was just announced.



What?…. Oh. Yeahyeahyeah, I know there are a couple other election type thingies and whatnot going on today—pffffffft!—but whatever, I’m not talking about them; I’m talking about the one election I could actually get behind (and vote in, thanks to the fact that I moved cross-country and totally forgot to re-register in time (which really (poli)tics me off! – hee hee!)) this year: Beckeye’s Big Wicked Online Pageant.

I won it, people! I have just been crowned Ms. Wicked for that Safari Gone BAD costume I posted last week!


(So, see, jerks from high school who laughed your ridiculously big-haired, Bon Jovi-lovin’ butts off at me for sewing a cute teddy bear in Home Ec, pointless sewing skillz DO come in handy! So there!)

Thanks for the votes, you guys! I appreciate it!


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