Not to be confused with his brother, Psycho

Okay, so you remember when some idiot painted “Papa Smurf” on my mom’s car a couple weeks ago, right? (Don’t remember? Click HERE for a refresher.)

Well, my mom’s car wasn’t the only car that got vandalized that night. Most of her neighbors’ cars were painted too. We’re talking dozens of cars and THOUSANDS of dollars in damage caused by a few idiots with paint cans and no common sense.

When I first heard about it, I was half horrified and half amused that someone would be so moronic as to paint the name of a Smurf on someone else’s car. Then I started wondering what they had painted on all the other cars….?

I called Mom up and asked her. She told me the word “mad” had been painted on every single car, along with other random words, but that she couldn’t remember what had been painted on any of the other cars except for her nearest neighbor’s. She said her neighbor’s car, just like hers, had the name of a Smurf painted across one side.

“Which Smurf?” I asked.

“I don’t know how you pronounce it,” she said, “but I’m sure it’s a Smurf name because I’ve seen it before. It starts with ‘S-C-H’”

A Smurf name that begins with S-C-H? What the—?

School Boy Smurf?…. Nah. Schindler’s List Smurf?…. Nah. Schwing Smurf?…. Surely not.

I was stumped.

When I flew into town a week ago, Mom picked me up at the airport and on the way to her house we started talking about the mysterious Smurf name on her neighbor’s car again. She told me her neighbor still hadn’t bothered to have the car repaired, so the S-C-H Smurf name was still scrawled across it and I would be able to see it for myself.

When we arrived at Mom’s house, I took a look at the “Smurf name” on her neighbor’s car and this is what I saw….




Yeah. That’s right. “Schizo.”

SCHIZO.

Are you kidding me?!

I’ll have you know that I died that day. Died right there in the carport. I freaking died laughing. My mother—my very own mother—thinks there is actually a Schizo Smurf.

Oh God, I love that woman!

© Coracabana