Monday, June 27, 2011

Boo Who?

Okay, so the other day Facebook served up a few new friend suggestions for me, all of which were complete strangers, as usual. Except one. Thaaaaaaaaaaat’s right: an ex-boyfriend I haven’t seen since high school.

(Way to go, Facebook.)

*rolling my eyes*


Let’s call this particular ex-boyfriend George. George Michael Wannabe.

My relationship with Mr. Wannabe was—umm—complicated…. mainly because I only dated him to get revenge on my annoying little sister and my ex-best friend, Trayla Trash (don’t remember Trayla? Click HERE), who both had drooling, oozing, festering crushes on George, while George, clearly oblivious to the therapy-causing, life-ruining pain it caused the other two girls, only had eyes for me.

Long story short, I quickly got sick of George, his telling EVERYBODY ALL THE TIME that he was going to be a bigger singer than George Michael one day, and his constant off-key singing of “Father Figure” in a sad attempt to prove it. But the final straw for me was the day he serenaded me with a stooOOooOOpid love song he was making up on the fly in front of my mother and grandmother, who were both crying their faces off with silent laughter. I broke up with George the next day.

(Ahhh, schoolgirl revenge via the dating of dumb boys, it ain’t pretty.)


I haven’t seen, talked to, nor thought about George in over 20 years. The last time I saw him, he was telling me I would regret breaking up with him because he was going to be famous. No—famouser than famous! Wait!—make that THE MOST FAMOUSEST FAMOUS DUDE WHO EVER FAMED!!!!

*cough—delusional twit—cough*

Naturally, upon seeing George there on Facebook, curiosity got the better of me and I decided to take a quick peek at his info page to see what he’s doing these days since I’m pretty sure that the more-famous-than-George-Michael thing didn’t quite work out the way he was hoping for. And….


No, really.

I…. I hardly know what to say.

George is a….



….a Ghostbuster. Oy.

He travels around with a bunch of funky gadgets looking for ghosts and posts pictures of himself wearing velvet suits and top hats on the internet. Yep. Seriously. I swear I'm not making this up.

And I honestly can’t figure out if I think that is really moronic or kinda cool….?

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Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Because Sometimes Facebook Is Just Easier



I was over on my hubba hubba hubby Scope’s blog the other day when—*gasp!*—I saw it. Something shocking. Something disgusting. Something big, burly, zitty, unshaven, and downright ugly!


I shielded my eyes. I pulled my hoodie over my head. And I curled my flexible self into a cramped, uncomfortable ball in my chair, bellowing, “GAWD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!” out into the merciful universe.


On Scope’s sidebar was this:

Five weeks, people. I haven’t posted on my blog (nor religiously haunted YOUR blogs) (*guilty squirm*) in five weeks….? Really? Wow. I’m—I’m sorry. I guess life got the better of me lately.


Five weeks is long enough. Too long, actually. And since I still don’t have my bloggidy groove back yet, Blogaritaville, I’m going to give you my Facebook status updates instead. Here’s what’s been going on in the Land o’ Cora the last five weeks:

May 11:

A new neighbor moved into the 'hood. I don't like him. At all. He kept giving me the stink eye as I walked by.

May 13:

Marizpan cake makes everything better. EVERYTHING. Swearsies.

May 17:

Clearly, my hubby still thinks it is April Fools Day. He has been leaving fake spiders EVERYWHERE for me and Wednesday to stumble upon. Wednesday found one in her sock yesterday, and this is what I found when I opened the fridge this morning. MUST. GET. REVENGE.

May 18:

Holy shi tsu! I think I just had a heart attack. I opened our door to let air in and then suddenly *BAM!!* there was a big car crash right outside our house. Luckily everyone is okay, but I think I left a dent in the ceiling, I jumped so badly. Yeesh.

May 20:

‎*hic* I have had the hiccups all morning long. *hic* I had to run errands in three different stores while sounding like a harbor seal the whole dang time. *hic* Totally embarrassing. *hic* Holding my breath didn't work. *hic* Weird, 'cuz it usually does. *hic* So, I'm about to go drink water from a cup upside down. *hic* Wish me luck. *hic* *hic* *hic*

May 20:

I spent all morning cleaning the house because my mom and nephew are flying in to visit today. My lovely daughter just got home from school, promptly announced, "Wow, Mom, it looks beautiful in here!" and then immediately dropped a scoop of ice cream. INTO. THE. SILVERWARE. DRAWER. Really, girlie? Really?

May 21:

Just got back from the aquarium!

May 24:

Hubba Hubba Hubby wasn't looking so peppy tonight. I summoned all my ninja-like nanny skillz and promptly attacked him with a thermometer and, just as I suspected, he has a fever. :-( Now I've drugged him up and tucked him in bed. Seriously, fevers of the world, what are you thinking?! I can spot a fever a mile away, you know, so don't mess with me and my loved ones, got it?!?! Jeez.

May 30:

I don't know why these strawberries I'm growing are taking so long to ripen. There are just green berries as far as the eye can see. Hurry up, dangit! I wanna make a shortcake out of you!

May 31:

"I don't know what I'm training for but I hope it never happens" - LOL!!

June 2:

I haven't eaten chocolate in over a month. I know! Who am I and what have I done with the real Cora?! New vice: marzipan cake. Mm-mm-mmmm.

June 2:

Right this very second Scope is giving Wednesday lessons on how to shoot a rubber band at me more effectively. But I'm not worried because she keeps getting the rubber band stuck on her own thumb. Yep. These are the people I live with. ;-)

June 10:

Okaaaaayyyyyyyy. Wow. I have no words.

June 12:

We have a harvest of strawberries! Mmmmmm.

June 15, 2011:

Dear 14 Year Old Daughter; The term is "BUCKET seats", okay? Bucket with a "B," not an "F". And, no, that was not an "inappropriate" song I was listening to. But thank you for the laugh! *snicker* :-)

June 16:


June 18:

Just saw a firefly for the very first time. Wowza! Soooooooo cool! I was squealing like a pig on the sidewalk watching it light up and fly around. Too bad dogs and cats can't light up their butts like that. Think how handy that would be in a power outage....

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