Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Because Sometimes Facebook Is Just Easier



I was over on my hubba hubba hubby Scope’s blog the other day when—*gasp!*—I saw it. Something shocking. Something disgusting. Something big, burly, zitty, unshaven, and downright ugly!


I shielded my eyes. I pulled my hoodie over my head. And I curled my flexible self into a cramped, uncomfortable ball in my chair, bellowing, “GAWD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!” out into the merciful universe.


On Scope’s sidebar was this:

Five weeks, people. I haven’t posted on my blog (nor religiously haunted YOUR blogs) (*guilty squirm*) in five weeks….? Really? Wow. I’m—I’m sorry. I guess life got the better of me lately.


Five weeks is long enough. Too long, actually. And since I still don’t have my bloggidy groove back yet, Blogaritaville, I’m going to give you my Facebook status updates instead. Here’s what’s been going on in the Land o’ Cora the last five weeks:

May 11:

A new neighbor moved into the 'hood. I don't like him. At all. He kept giving me the stink eye as I walked by.

May 13:

Marizpan cake makes everything better. EVERYTHING. Swearsies.

May 17:

Clearly, my hubby still thinks it is April Fools Day. He has been leaving fake spiders EVERYWHERE for me and Wednesday to stumble upon. Wednesday found one in her sock yesterday, and this is what I found when I opened the fridge this morning. MUST. GET. REVENGE.

May 18:

Holy shi tsu! I think I just had a heart attack. I opened our door to let air in and then suddenly *BAM!!* there was a big car crash right outside our house. Luckily everyone is okay, but I think I left a dent in the ceiling, I jumped so badly. Yeesh.

May 20:

‎*hic* I have had the hiccups all morning long. *hic* I had to run errands in three different stores while sounding like a harbor seal the whole dang time. *hic* Totally embarrassing. *hic* Holding my breath didn't work. *hic* Weird, 'cuz it usually does. *hic* So, I'm about to go drink water from a cup upside down. *hic* Wish me luck. *hic* *hic* *hic*

May 20:

I spent all morning cleaning the house because my mom and nephew are flying in to visit today. My lovely daughter just got home from school, promptly announced, "Wow, Mom, it looks beautiful in here!" and then immediately dropped a scoop of ice cream. INTO. THE. SILVERWARE. DRAWER. Really, girlie? Really?

May 21:

Just got back from the aquarium!

May 24:

Hubba Hubba Hubby wasn't looking so peppy tonight. I summoned all my ninja-like nanny skillz and promptly attacked him with a thermometer and, just as I suspected, he has a fever. :-( Now I've drugged him up and tucked him in bed. Seriously, fevers of the world, what are you thinking?! I can spot a fever a mile away, you know, so don't mess with me and my loved ones, got it?!?! Jeez.

May 30:

I don't know why these strawberries I'm growing are taking so long to ripen. There are just green berries as far as the eye can see. Hurry up, dangit! I wanna make a shortcake out of you!

May 31:

"I don't know what I'm training for but I hope it never happens" - LOL!!

June 2:

I haven't eaten chocolate in over a month. I know! Who am I and what have I done with the real Cora?! New vice: marzipan cake. Mm-mm-mmmm.

June 2:

Right this very second Scope is giving Wednesday lessons on how to shoot a rubber band at me more effectively. But I'm not worried because she keeps getting the rubber band stuck on her own thumb. Yep. These are the people I live with. ;-)

June 10:

Okaaaaayyyyyyyy. Wow. I have no words.

June 12:

We have a harvest of strawberries! Mmmmmm.

June 15, 2011:

Dear 14 Year Old Daughter; The term is "BUCKET seats", okay? Bucket with a "B," not an "F". And, no, that was not an "inappropriate" song I was listening to. But thank you for the laugh! *snicker* :-)

June 16:

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! I don't even know what it is yet, but I am SOOOOOOO EXCITED!!!! http://www.youtube.com/JKRowlingAnnounces

June 18:

Just saw a firefly for the very first time. Wowza! Soooooooo cool! I was squealing like a pig on the sidewalk watching it light up and fly around. Too bad dogs and cats can't light up their butts like that. Think how handy that would be in a power outage....

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Shana said...

Sorry, I am getting emotional here. Because I really love cats. I really want to hug everyone of them. But that's crazy. I can't hug every cat.

Anonymous said...

I actually just clicked over here yesterday to make sure my Reader wasn't broken. So happy to hear from you this morning.

Re: Pottermore - Yes please, and the countdown ends on Thursday morning!!!!

Re: Cats - You should see this "response" video some improvisers I know posted: http://youtu.be/Ih4g2Qphttw

Anonymous said...

Sorry, the link: http://youtu.be/Ih4g2Qphttw

Scope said...

I was sick? Wow, that was forever ago!

And "Hang In There Baby" (Another cat reference.)

FRANNIE said...

Pass the cake!

Heff said...

Welcome back, and.....


Anonymous said...

You've shamed me into cleaning the crumbs out of my silverware drawer. I don't know whether to thank you or mail you a fake spider.

SkylersDad said...

I tend to fall victim to the Facebook quick post lure also. I have to get cracking over here!

So. Cal. Gal said...

Well, it's about damn time! ; )

And that eHarmony thing cracks me up EVERY time. *snort*

Anonymous said...

If Marzipan cake makes everything better... could you please send a piece my way? I sure could use some betterness in my life.

Vina said...

I am glad you are back! I thought maybe you were barred from posting due to court issues. I missed your posts!

Candy's daily Dandy said...

That was like....so worth it.....

Kal said...

Now THAT is how you do an update post. I was ridiculously entertained.

Anonymous said...

Cora - This was the announcement regarding Pottermore that Mashable re-posted: J.K. Rowling Pottermore Announcement

Anonymous said...

A spoonful of peanut butter cures the hiccups! Of course if you're allergic to said cure, you're screwed. Sorry.

I am super excited for Pottermore! :) lol....have you followed the owl yet?!??!?? ;)

I have never had Marzipan cake and it looks magical....yummmm! :)

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Obviously your absence was really because you were on a secret Airstream adventure with me somewhere fabulous where we ate marzipan cake all day long and lost weight.


Hi! :)

words...words...words... said...

I was going to say something, but now I forgot and all I can think about is marzipan cake.

Cake can do that, you know? Also, word ver is brilliant: