Thursday, October 6, 2011

On second thought, I’m pretty sure Jesus has WAY too much class for that


Monday morning I went for a walk along a big, busy city street. It was just me; four lanes of pissed off, backed up, honking traffic; and—ohhh—roughly 2 million Hispanic used car dealerships. No big whoop, I typically walk along this particular street daily. By now I know the road well and feel perfectly comfortable on it, and—excluding the day a man came running up to me, crying his face off, and asked me for money because he got in a fight with his “girlfriend’s boyfriend” (????)—it rarely flings surprises in my path.

But Monday? Yeeeaaahhhh, not so much.

It started out normally. I had my iPod on and I was zipping down the street, lost in my daydreams as usual.



I was really getting into it.



I started walking faster.



And faster.



And faster.



And faster.



And then suddenly….



Something HUGE and inexplicably papery (?) fell out of the sky and landed with a SMACK right in my path, just a mere yard or two in front of me.



It looked like a spit wad; THE WORLD’S BIGGEST SPIT WAD!



A mammoth ball of wadded up, shiny paper the size of small car and had come falling from the sky and nearly hit me. I swear I’m not making this up. Had I been shaking my groove thing just a second or two faster…. well…. I shudder to think what would have happened.



Naturally, there was only one conclusion to be made: Jesus must be REALLY peeved with me.



I looked up into the sky expecting to see Jesus riding on a cloud and taking another aim at me with his big straw, but instead I saw this….



There were two idiots up on a big billboard, getting ready to put up a new ad. They had removed the old ad, wadded it up into a ball the size of a buffalo and then just—wheee!—tossed it down to the sidewalk below.

Without.

Even.

Bothering.

To.

Check.

If.

The.

Sidewalk.

Was.

Clear.

First.

!!!!

(Like I said, IDIOTS.)

What kind of wanna-be-sued halfwits just ball up a big ol’ billboard advertisement and throw it down to the sidewalk below without looking for pedestrians first?! Huh? Someone could have been seriously hurt! I mean, what if that had hit somebody—like a pregnant woman?!




Or a 90 year old man?!




Or a preschooler?




Or, heaven forbid, a puppy?!?!




I just can’t comprehend something so negligent. I live on a third floor condo and I TRIPLE CHECK that the sidewalk is clear below before even daring to shake off my feather duster over our balcony. So, how someone can throw a damn BILLBOARD to the ground without so much as a “heads up!” first just makes no sense to me.




I don’t know how long I stood there staring up at Idiot 1 and Idiot 2, wanting to yell something scaldingly scolding to them about their blatant carelessness and craptitude.



It was awhile.

But in the end, I walked away without saying anything at all. Not even a measly, “hey, watch it.” I dunno, I guess I just figured it wouldn’t have mattered anyway. Anyone stupid enough to throw something the size of a baby elephant down onto a sidewalk without looking below first isn’t going to have any sort of epiphany brought on by anything I had to say, I’m quite sure.

And as I turned and walked away, “Bohemian Rhapsody” ended and my iPod shuffled its songs and decided to play this next….



Touche, iPod. Touche indeed.



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14 comments:

The Vegetable Assassin said...

You know those thingies...when sports people get into hot water because they go bet on their own games and get caught? Well your iPod and those billboard idiots are a bit like that. Obviously conspiring heavily to freak you out with weird coincidental events....

I already wish I hadn't started this comment.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

These are among the most awesome posts I read. I love your cartoons. I don't think it was Jesus who spit at you. He wouldn't have missed.

Sassy Britches said...

My dear, you must clearly be walking west and not east. Tsk, tsk. :)

Scope said...

And this is the first I'm hearing of this?

Maybe they were in a hurry to get to their part time jobs of sitting in the closed down, darken bar. Just sitting there. In the dark.

So. Cal. Gal said...

First of all, cool song.

Second of all, awesome drawings!

Third of all, I thought this was going to be the spider story. lol!

Fourth of all, I would've had plenty to say and it would've started with, "Hey, f***wads!"

Gwen said...

I love it when you draw things. Great post! And your iPod freaks me out.

Joshua said...

You are clearly a better person than I. I'd be climbing up and throwing them down. Especially today.

kirby said...

They're lucky you are an honest person. Most people would have climbed under the giant spit wad and started screaming for an ambulance and a lawyer.

Vina said...

Great post...and I must say, I absolutely LOVE that you have Schoolhouse Rock on your ipod! :)

Candy's daily Dandy said...

THAT was awesome! Both the story and the graphics!!,

FRANNIE said...

I would've been spewing WTF?! in their general direction.

Punk Chopsticks said...

LMAO!!! Queen for the win!!
I can't believe that there are such idiots just lying around, dotted on the planet waiting to drop giant spitballs on poor unsuspecting puppies!

Gah, that boils my bloos. but the fact that you kept your cool was truly remarkable. you are such a hilarious person!!

Dr Zibbs said...

You're the DaVinci of stick art.

Jennifer and Sandi said...

I loved YOUR DRAWINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Happy Day After Halloween!!!