Monday morning I went for a walk along a big, busy city street. It was just me; four lanes of pissed off, backed up, honking traffic; and—ohhh—roughly 2 million Hispanic used car dealerships. No big whoop, I typically walk along this particular street daily. By now I know the road well and feel perfectly comfortable on it, and—excluding the day a man came running up to me, crying his face off, and asked me for money because he got in a fight with his “girlfriend’s boyfriend” (????)—it rarely flings surprises in my path.
But Monday? Yeeeaaahhhh, not so much.
It started out normally. I had my iPod on and I was zipping down the street, lost in my daydreams as usual.
I was really getting into it.
I started walking faster.
And then suddenly….
Something HUGE and inexplicably papery (?) fell out of the sky and landed with a SMACK right in my path, just a mere yard or two in front of me.
It looked like a spit wad; THE WORLD’S BIGGEST SPIT WAD!
A mammoth ball of wadded up, shiny paper the size of small car and had come falling from the sky and nearly hit me. I swear I’m not making this up. Had I been shaking my groove thing just a second or two faster…. well…. I shudder to think what would have happened.
Naturally, there was only one conclusion to be made: Jesus must be REALLY peeved with me.
I looked up into the sky expecting to see Jesus riding on a cloud and taking another aim at me with his big straw, but instead I saw this….
There were two idiots up on a big billboard, getting ready to put up a new ad. They had removed the old ad, wadded it up into a ball the size of a buffalo and then just—wheee!—tossed it down to the sidewalk below.
(Like I said, IDIOTS.)
What kind of wanna-be-sued halfwits just ball up a big ol’ billboard advertisement and throw it down to the sidewalk below without looking for pedestrians first?! Huh? Someone could have been seriously hurt! I mean, what if that had hit somebody—like a pregnant woman?!
Or a 90 year old man?!
Or a preschooler?
Or, heaven forbid, a puppy?!?!
I just can’t comprehend something so negligent. I live on a third floor condo and I TRIPLE CHECK that the sidewalk is clear below before even daring to shake off my feather duster over our balcony. So, how someone can throw a damn BILLBOARD to the ground without so much as a “heads up!” first just makes no sense to me.
I don’t know how long I stood there staring up at Idiot 1 and Idiot 2, wanting to yell something scaldingly scolding to them about their blatant carelessness and craptitude.
It was awhile.
But in the end, I walked away without saying anything at all. Not even a measly, “hey, watch it.” I dunno, I guess I just figured it wouldn’t have mattered anyway. Anyone stupid enough to throw something the size of a baby elephant down onto a sidewalk without looking below first isn’t going to have any sort of epiphany brought on by anything I had to say, I’m quite sure.
And as I turned and walked away, “Bohemian Rhapsody” ended and my iPod shuffled its songs and decided to play this next….
Touche, iPod. Touche indeed.