Dear Youth Counselor;
I do apologize. Profusely. I know it was—umm—odd for you to walk in and find me saying, "Dear Thanta, I want a horth for Chrithmath," to Wednesday as she cried with laughter outside your office yesterday. Thometimeth when I'm nervouth I mock Thindy Brady. I don't know why, I jutht do.
I'm thorry. I know it wath a theriouth thituation. I AM taking theriouthly.
No, really! I thwear!
I hope we can put thith behind uth. Thankth.
Thintherely,
Wednethday'th Mom
So, Scope and I have these neighbors who live one floor below us and I’m pretty certain they are the loony, snot-nosed descendants of Mr. Heckles from Friends. They are snooty, uberpicky and chronically unhappy about random everyday totally normal noises emanating from our condo.
And their constant complaining is SOOOOOOOOOOOO annoying.
*gnashing my teeth*
I’ve met them once. ONCE. When we were struggling to stuff a mammoth glass display case into the elevator on Moving Day. They walked into the lobby, stared at us, rolled their eyes and then took the stairs up.
Nice.
Very nice.
No introductions. No ‘hey, welcome to the building!’ sentiments. No flipping offer to flipping help us with that flipping, flipping heavy display case, the flipping flippers!!!! Nothing but snottiness. And it hasn’t gotten any better from there.
Nope.
They email us now. Oh joy. They email us to lecture and whine and cry and throw hissy fits about what awful neighbors we are because they can *gasp* hear us when we are home.
Yep.
We’re not talking complaints about excessive or ridiculous noises here. No, no, no. It’s not like Scope and I are screaming at each other, having bowling tournaments in our hallway, yodeling “Welcome to the Jungle” or having Richard Simmons and Gilbert Gottfried over for dinner. Nope. We’re talking complaints about average, normal, everyday life noises here. Noises everyone else in this building has the privilege of making without getting hate mail from their neighbors.
Gah!
Last night they sent us ANOTHER rude email. Our horrific crime this time? They heard us walking across our dining room floor.
Yeah.
Walking.
Across the dining room.
Ooh.
Tragic.
Are you kidding me???? Who on Earth emails someone to complain about stuff like THAT???? Who????
That is completely ridiculous, of course. Completely. Ridiculous. When did walking across one’s own dining room become offensive? Hmm? What are we supposed to do, scoot around the house with pillows on our rears until we effectively learn how to levitate from room to room to avoid irritating the Heckles Herd (which is what I am hereby nicknaming them since they’ve never bothered to even tell me their real names: Adolph and Cruella Heckles. Heh heh heh)?
Needless to say last night’s email was the last straw. Scope is boiling mad now (and Scope NEVER gets mad, people!!) and is brewing up a scalding, blistering reply email as we speak.
(Give ‘em hell, Hubba Hubba Hubby!!!!)
As for me, I tend to fight like a girl. Sneakily. Sooo.... the next time I cross our dining room floor, I fully intend to do it while tap dancing in a bikini made of cow bells while banging pots and pans together and yelling "AYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYI!!" like Xena.
So there!
[Yeah, I know I already told this tale over on Facebook, but it still slays me, so I figure it’s worth repeating here. :-) ]
I was walking my daughter, Gwen, to school the other morning when off in the distance I saw a white stone figure in a neighbor's yard and I thought it was a Halloween skeleton. Cool! I pointed it out to Gwen, but as we got closer I realized it wasn't a skeleton after all.
"Oh, wait, never mind—it’s just Jesus," I said.
Maybe I need new glasses or something, I dunno, because it turned out it wasn’t Jesus either….
Nope.
It was a donkey.
And Gwen said, "Mom! Did you just call Jesus an ASS?!"
*sigh*
Christ. I doubt I'll be living this down any time soon.
Hey, anyone remember that photographic quest I was sooooo excitedly venturing on? Y’know, Project 365? The one where I said I would take a picture every single day for an entire year? Anybody remember that?
….Anyone….?
….Anyone….?
….Hmm….? ….What? You—you mean you DO remember it?
Oh.
*guilty fidget*
I was kinda hoping no-one would recall—I mean…. well…. ummm….
*sad sigh*
Okay. Fine. I confess. I messed it up, alright? I DID take a picture every single stinkin’ day (well, except for that one day, but I sooooooo totally made up for it when I took the new camera Scope gave me for Christmas to the beach and shot like 200 pictures in an hour! Wheeeeeeee!!) but I got so far behind on posting them here thanks to the holidays (and whatnot) that now I have like 50 days worth of pictures I need to sort and post and, well, frankly, I just don’t wanna. So sue me.
Hey, that’s A LOT of pictures, okay?!?!
Plus, I accidently erased some of them off my camera before saving them on the computer. But after my initial ohhhhhhh poo moment of dawning comprehension, I realized I’m actually glad I erased them. They sucked anyway.
So, I’m still continuing with Project 365 – I haven’t abandoned it or anything - but I’ve decided that I’m just going to show you my favorite shots. At least until I’m all caught up. Trust me, it’s just better this way.
So, here are some of my favorite photos from Project 365:
Day 137 (December 2, 2009)
While I started up my car, my nephew helped scrape the ice off my windows with his bare hands….
Day 139 (Dec. 4)
It was a foggy morning at my daughter’s school….
Day 140 (Dec. 5)
While waiting at a red light I entertained myself by taking pictures of the distorted reflection in this truck’s bumper *snicker*….
Day 146 (Dec. 11)
I don’t know if this is a humming bird or not (it definitely flew like one), but it seemed woefully out of place in the freezing temps we had here in mid-December. The poor little thing was shivering!….
Day 149 (Dec. 14)
Christmas lights. Duh….
Day 154 (Dec. 19)
Slightly less photogenic sights at Seattle’s Pike Place Market….
Day 156 (Dec. 21)
Really? Ya think?….
Day 158 (Dec. 23)
Cookies for Santa….
[Coming soon: I’ll show you what magic I can conjure up with my new DSLR camera!! :-) Stay tuned….]
