Boo Who?

Okay, so the other day Facebook served up a few new friend suggestions for me, all of which were complete strangers, as usual. Except one. Thaaaaaaaaaaat’s right: an ex-boyfriend I haven’t seen since high school.

(Way to go, Facebook.)

*rolling my eyes*

*twice*

Let’s call this particular ex-boyfriend George. George Michael Wannabe.

My relationship with Mr. Wannabe was—umm—complicated…. mainly because I only dated him to get revenge on my annoying little sister and my ex-best friend, Trayla Trash (don’t remember Trayla? Click HERE), who both had drooling, oozing, festering crushes on George, while George, clearly oblivious to the therapy-causing, life-ruining pain it caused the other two girls, only had eyes for me.

Long story short, I quickly got sick of George, his telling EVERYBODY ALL THE TIME that he was going to be a bigger singer than George Michael one day, and his constant off-key singing of “Father Figure” in a sad attempt to prove it. But the final straw for me was the day he serenaded me with a stooOOooOOpid love song he was making up on the fly in front of my mother and grandmother, who were both crying their faces off with silent laughter. I broke up with George the next day.

(Ahhh, schoolgirl revenge via the dating of dumb boys, it ain’t pretty.)

(Anyway….)

I haven’t seen, talked to, nor thought about George in over 20 years. The last time I saw him, he was telling me I would regret breaking up with him because he was going to be famous. No—famouser than famous! Wait!—make that THE MOST FAMOUSEST FAMOUS DUDE WHO EVER FAMED!!!!

*cough—delusional twit—cough*

Naturally, upon seeing George there on Facebook, curiosity got the better of me and I decided to take a quick peek at his info page to see what he’s doing these days since I’m pretty sure that the more-famous-than-George-Michael thing didn’t quite work out the way he was hoping for. And….

Wow.

No, really.

I…. I hardly know what to say.

George is a….

….a….

….a….

….a Ghostbuster. Oy.




He travels around with a bunch of funky gadgets looking for ghosts and posts pictures of himself wearing velvet suits and top hats on the internet. Yep. Seriously. I swear I'm not making this up.

And I honestly can’t figure out if I think that is really moronic or kinda cool….?

© Coracabana

Because Sometimes Facebook Is Just Easier

Hmm.

So.

I was over on my hubba hubba hubby Scope’s blog the other day when—*gasp!*—I saw it. Something shocking. Something disgusting. Something big, burly, zitty, unshaven, and downright ugly!

*gulp*

I shielded my eyes. I pulled my hoodie over my head. And I curled my flexible self into a cramped, uncomfortable ball in my chair, bellowing, “GAWD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!” out into the merciful universe.

*sniffle*

On Scope’s sidebar was this:

Five weeks, people. I haven’t posted on my blog (nor religiously haunted YOUR blogs) (*guilty squirm*) in five weeks….? Really? Wow. I’m—I’m sorry. I guess life got the better of me lately.

However….

Five weeks is long enough. Too long, actually. And since I still don’t have my bloggidy groove back yet, Blogaritaville, I’m going to give you my Facebook status updates instead. Here’s what’s been going on in the Land o’ Cora the last five weeks:


May 11:

A new neighbor moved into the 'hood. I don't like him. At all. He kept giving me the stink eye as I walked by.

May 13:

Marizpan cake makes everything better. EVERYTHING. Swearsies.

May 17:

Clearly, my hubby still thinks it is April Fools Day. He has been leaving fake spiders EVERYWHERE for me and Wednesday to stumble upon. Wednesday found one in her sock yesterday, and this is what I found when I opened the fridge this morning. MUST. GET. REVENGE.

May 18:

Holy shi tsu! I think I just had a heart attack. I opened our door to let air in and then suddenly *BAM!!* there was a big car crash right outside our house. Luckily everyone is okay, but I think I left a dent in the ceiling, I jumped so badly. Yeesh.

May 20:

‎*hic* I have had the hiccups all morning long. *hic* I had to run errands in three different stores while sounding like a harbor seal the whole dang time. *hic* Totally embarrassing. *hic* Holding my breath didn't work. *hic* Weird, 'cuz it usually does. *hic* So, I'm about to go drink water from a cup upside down. *hic* Wish me luck. *hic* *hic* *hic*


May 20:

I spent all morning cleaning the house because my mom and nephew are flying in to visit today. My lovely daughter just got home from school, promptly announced, "Wow, Mom, it looks beautiful in here!" and then immediately dropped a scoop of ice cream. INTO. THE. SILVERWARE. DRAWER. Really, girlie? Really?
:-P


May 21:

Just got back from the aquarium!

May 24:

Hubba Hubba Hubby wasn't looking so peppy tonight. I summoned all my ninja-like nanny skillz and promptly attacked him with a thermometer and, just as I suspected, he has a fever. :-( Now I've drugged him up and tucked him in bed. Seriously, fevers of the world, what are you thinking?! I can spot a fever a mile away, you know, so don't mess with me and my loved ones, got it?!?! Jeez.

May 30:

I don't know why these strawberries I'm growing are taking so long to ripen. There are just green berries as far as the eye can see. Hurry up, dangit! I wanna make a shortcake out of you!



May 31:

"I don't know what I'm training for but I hope it never happens" - LOL!!

June 2:

I haven't eaten chocolate in over a month. I know! Who am I and what have I done with the real Cora?! New vice: marzipan cake. Mm-mm-mmmm.

June 2:

Right this very second Scope is giving Wednesday lessons on how to shoot a rubber band at me more effectively. But I'm not worried because she keeps getting the rubber band stuck on her own thumb. Yep. These are the people I live with. ;-)



June 10:

Okaaaaayyyyyyyy. Wow. I have no words.

June 12:

We have a harvest of strawberries! Mmmmmm.

June 15, 2011:

Dear 14 Year Old Daughter; The term is "BUCKET seats", okay? Bucket with a "B," not an "F". And, no, that was not an "inappropriate" song I was listening to. But thank you for the laugh! *snicker* :-)

June 16:

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! I don't even know what it is yet, but I am SOOOOOOO EXCITED!!!! http://www.youtube.com/JKRowlingAnnounces

June 18:

Just saw a firefly for the very first time. Wowza! Soooooooo cool! I was squealing like a pig on the sidewalk watching it light up and fly around. Too bad dogs and cats can't light up their butts like that. Think how handy that would be in a power outage....

© Coracabana

Wordless Wednesday: Last Night’s Sunset Was Really Somethin’ Else!

Wow. Just wow.

© Coracabana

Because I Already Have My Two Front Teeth

Dear Youth Counselor;

I do apologize. Profusely. I know it was—umm—odd for you to walk in and find me saying, "Dear Thanta, I want a horth for Chrithmath," to Wednesday as she cried with laughter outside your office yesterday. Thometimeth when I'm nervouth I mock Thindy Brady. I don't know why, I jutht do.

I'm thorry. I know it wath a theriouth thituation. I AM taking theriouthly.

No, really! I thwear!

I hope we can put thith behind uth. Thankth.

Thintherely,
Wednethday'th Mom

© Coracabana

Aaaaaaand The Countdown Has Begun….

Can’t wait!

Can’t wait!!!!

CAN’T WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

© Coracabana

Yeah, 'Cuz THIS Is What You Want To Come Face-To-Face With When You're Driving Home On The Freeway, Right?! Yikes!

Relax. It was being towed. But still, it was pretty creepy looking!

© Coracabana

The One Where I Get All Braggy That I Met BeckEye (So There!)

Last Friday Scope, Wednesday and I hopped in the car and headed for the airport. Where were we flying? Nowhere, silly! We were picking up BeckEye, who was coming into Chicago to do St. Patrick-y thingies for the weekend.

Scope had met BeckEye once before over the summer. I had missed out on that meeting back then because I was still stuck in Seattle. My move was delayed a month and a half and, thus, I missed out on meeting BeckEye.

(And, frankly, I’ve been bitter ever since.)

(Grrrr.)

But all that pain was extinguished Friday when we met BeckEye at the airport. I met BeckEye! I met BeckEye!! I MET BECKEYE!!!! YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Ooh. Ooh!!—and there’s more! Not only did we meet her at the airport, we took her out to dinner too!….




BeckEye is exactly as I’ve always imagined her: witty, smart, and totally spectacular! Of course, we spent a lot of time discussing this year’s American Idol contestants. And Paul McDonald’s scary too-white teeth….




*shudder*

BeckEye had brought me the CD I won in her Big Wicked Online Pageant, but—d’oh!—then we forgot all about it again and accidentally left it in her suitcase, so I’m still Big Wicked Online Pageant Prize CD-less. But oh well. No biggie. I shared a big pretzel with her and, please, everybody knows big pretzels are even better than CDs. So, y’know, obviously my life is pretty much complete now. So, that’s good.

*happy sigh*

After dinner we took BeckEye to her friend’s house and headed back home. Then Saturday morning, Scope, Wednesday and I got up early and headed downtown for the big St. Patrick’s Day celebration. First we went to the Chicago River to watch them dye the river green [LINK]. Before the dyeing process commenced, the river looked like this….



Then they started pouring in the dye, which they spread throughout the river by driving a little speed boat around in it….




And when they were done, the river looked like this….




Pretty awesome, huh?! I know!

We attempted to watch the parade, but the crowd was so mammoth that we couldn’t even see it….



….so, instead, we saw festive stuff like this….



….and this….



….and this….



We even stopped in at Fannie May for some uber yummy sugary goodness….



But as much as I love that delicious chocolaty picture up there, my favorite picture from the whole day is this one….



Awwwwwwwwwwww.

Well, it was a long day and we were all a wee bit tired when we got home. But some of us were more tired than others….



*snicker*

HAPPY ST. PATRICK’S DAY, BLOG WORLD!!!!

© Coracabana

Skinny

Personally I think people of all different sizes can look fantastic. There’s no prerequisite that someone need fit in a certain size pants to be beautiful, handsome or sexy. In fact, often I think the heavier version of someone is far more attractive than his or her thinner version. Like Carrie Underwood. Or Victoria Beckham.

I know I often pout and whine on and on about the 15 or so pounds I’ve put on in the last two years (I’m going to go right ahead and blame that on the fact that I eat REAL dinners now, instead of cups of applesauce and saltine crackers like I used to on that old single mom’s budget of mine) but, really, I’m okay with it. They’re just thighs. Okay, they might be bigger thighs than they used to be, but it’s not the end of the universe. Mostly.

And I still have great hair, dammit!

Some women put a ridiculous amount of pressure on themselves to be skinny. They’re brutal. It’s almost like they think they’re worth nothing if they aren’t a size 0. (Or maybe it’s exactly like that, I dunno.) They take their “thin-spiration” waaaaaayyyyyyy too far down a very dark, dangerous (and hungry!!!!) road.

I know a woman who has been anorexic for 40 years. Let’s call her Joann. Joann is very blunt about her anorexia. She talks about it totally openly. She’s not shy about it at all. She flat out tells me, “I’m anorexic,” rather than making up some cutsie nickname for it, like ‘Ana’ or ‘Rexy’ to make it sound less horrible.

Joann and I have had several conversations about her anorexia over the 12 years I’ve known her. When she talks about it, she acts like it’s impressive or an achievement. She’s actually kind of proud of having starved herself for 40 years. I’ve never understood it.

According to her it started when she was a teenager. Most of her family members were overweight and she became determined to escape the “fat gene,” so she started restricting herself to only one “meal” a day (usually something junk food-y like a few onion rings or a piece of pie) and nourished herself the rest of the day on a strict diet of Pepsi, coffee, beer and cigarettes.

That’s what she has survived on for 40 very hungry years.

Her weight has fluctuated a lot. At one point she was down to a frightening, skeletal 70-something pounds. She never really has much energy and she looks a lot older than she actually is.

Or was.

Joann died last night from cancer. Even with multiple surgeries and chemotherapy, the cancer ran rampant within her because her body was too weak and malnourished from 40 years of starving to fight. There was nothing more the doctors could do.

Joann was in her 50’s. She leaves behind a son, three grandkids she will never get to see grow up (one who is less than a year old and will have no memories of her), a house full of cats, and a big mess for her grieving son to deal with…. and all because she wanted to be skinny.

To everybody out there who is unhappy with their body, can you do me a big favor today? Embrace your curves, your thunder thighs, your beer belly, your badonkadonk butt, your double chin, or whatever body part is ticking you off! Love those imperfect parts even if it’s just for today, because there are far, far worse things than extra pounds.

Definitely.

I think Joann got that in the end. I heard that her last request in the hospital was to pig out on ice cream. I don’t know if that is funny or really sad. It makes me feel both things at once, honestly.

I know this song has nothing to do with death (more likely a fight) (or drugs) but it always kinda reminds me of troubled souls being set free. I imagine Joann drifted away across the universe last night and is in heaven right now where she can eat all the ice cream she wants to without fear or guilt or worry. Joann, this one is for you….

© Coracabana